Why the "Sarcastic Hermit?"

    There is nothing more on this planet that I truly enjoy and take honor in, than being a walking contradiction.  And with that, irony, plays a large part.  All the reasons, of which I am sure will eventually be revealed in the future, I find to be the purest form both self-hate and a weird sense of feministic honor.  Right off the bat, pushing that irony and the boundaries within my own brain, let alone anyone else's in my immediate (and extremely small) circle... Hence the word Hermit. 

    So, I might lose a few of you here because I pulled the word Hermit from the tarot deck.  Don't knock me just yet, don't go assuming I am some witch (but I might be). I promise I'm actually a decent respectable person, (one of the last few) of my millennial generation that knows some meaningful shit.  I have been dubbed the "hermit" by friends, and I don't get angry about it.  It's actually a compliment.  Because, well to tell you the truth, the Hermit card in Tarot is pretty bad ass.  The Hermit in tarot describes someone who is an introspective thinker, one who takes into account that the answers you are searching for, are already within you, gathered from your own past and life experiences.  If you think you are insulting a person who you call a Hermit, you sure aren't. It's more of a slap against your own ignorance. 

    This is where I will go all "psych" on you. Point of view and perspective are absolutely huge in my world of self-thought.  My life experiences make me who I am today.  These experiences dictate my choices, how I respond to certain environmental stimuli, like a woman cutting me off on the highway or a lady 2 feet away from me giving me a nasty look in the mall.  Do I choose to act on it, do I allow that person to ruin my day? Sometimes, sometimes I sure do! I will not lie to you. I am an overtly sensitive feeler.  I feel everything so emotionally hard, sometimes I wish I was close minded and had the ability to just not care. It is impossible for me.  After occurrences or other interactions occur, I will go home and have anxiety and think over the situation over and over again thinking about how I could have been better, practiced "saying something to that person" and will worry about being an inconvenience.  Even to the rude person... 

    Good grief, I went on an ADD tangent.  You still there frand?! Anyway, the sarcastic part is basically snagged from the definition itself, "marked by or given to using irony in order to move or convey contempt."  Which brings us back full circle to the word irony.  I usually use myself and my life experiences to convey something at my own emotional expense.  Anyone else?  This is how I, for example, deal with trauma and grief.  I know I am absolutely not the only one who does this.  I apparently enjoy producing self-hate verbal remarks or extremely dark humored "jokes."

    Anyway, if you chose to follow my journey, I am truly thankful.  Perhaps you can find something you can relate to, perhaps I can even inspire you.  Either way, I just want to be relatable and promise to always be truthful and honest. I tend to overshare, as most people who have had bad relationships and anxiety tend to do.  You're my people. 

-Lanna, The Sarcastic Hermit